we're chasing vodka with high fives
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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