remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
