So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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