My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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