I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
