I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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