Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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