please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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