sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
