The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
