i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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