i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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