Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
