omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
