Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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