You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
even my farts smell like vagina
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
