I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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