i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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