2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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