Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
