Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
