then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
