I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
