How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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