That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
