Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
