guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
