I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
