So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i drank out of a bidet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
