we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
