I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
