Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
