He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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