it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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