he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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