I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
