And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
