My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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