hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
