I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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