I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
