I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
