My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
