ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
