Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
