It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
