finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
