If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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