btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
