Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
