Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
