He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would ride that face into the sunset
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
