I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Quick, to the slutcave!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
