Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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